Sticky Science: How to make habits and rituals stick

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It’s easy to go from happy to crappy at the tail end of the holiday season.

One minute, there are cookies and cocktails everywhere you go, and the next, there are gray skies and even grayer streets on your way back to work after the extended winter break. The kids are gone, the pretty lights are down and all that’s left is an extra 10 pounds and a holiday hangover.

This is the time when people decide to make New Year’s resolutions, and the timing could not be worse.

Only 8 percent of people who make resolutions – and even then, only about half of us make resolutions at all, while the other half don’t or, at least, don’t admit to it – succeed in making their resolutions come true. This does not bode well for anyone who might be considering adopting new behaviors this year.

The top New Year’s resolutions that people usually undertake are quite ambitious:

  • Enjoy life to the fullest: learn something new, spend time with family, fall in love
  • Stay fit and healthy: lose weight, quit smoking, imbibe less
  • Get financially sound: save money, spend less, manage debt
  • Become organized: home, time, work space

"What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?” –John Green, author

So let’s start with the reasons why we fail, then explore the solutions to them.

One reason why we fail is what I like to call Fido Syndrome. Imagine you go to the shelter (adopt, never buy!) and get yourself a dog. You bring Fido home and say, “Fido, roll over.”

Fido Syndrome is what makes you expect the dog to drop down and roll over, but it doesn’t work that way. First, Fido sits and gets a treat. Then, Fido lies down and gets a treat. Then, Fido lies on his back and gets a treat. Then, he fully rolls over and gets a treat. You get the idea.

The solution: Have realistic expectations for yourself. If your New Year’s resolution is to get financially sound, for example, try just paying off one credit card, not all of them. If your New Year’s resolution is to fall in love, try to meet three new people, not get a ring on it. If your expectation is to get fit and healthy, try to quit smoking rather than become a personal trainer.

We want to challenge ourselves to realistic goals, not idealistic goals. You can always add on another challenge at the half-year mark if you are doing extremely well. Better to exceed expectations than to fail meeting them.

Another frequent cause of failure: possessing a negative outlook and engaging in negative self-talk. Negative self-talk means the internal messages we give to ourselves. Think about some of the things you have already said to yourself today. We want to change that script. Here’s how:

  • Become aware of your internal talk.
  • Challenge negative or irrational thinking and negative thought patterns.
  • Develop positive statements to replace negative ones.
  • Use positive, hopeful words and statements
  • Avoid negative words
  • Be self-accepting
  • Use the present tense

I like to think of Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live for my daily mantra: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and, gosh darn it, people like me.”

Negative outlook or mindset is the other pitfall. Reinforce positive thoughts:

  • Repetition of behaviors leads to subconscious processes, so intentional repetition of positive behavior will lead to a positive outlook and vice versa.
  • Sharing them with others in a group or social media can help us visualize a positive outcome.
  • Writing the positive thoughts over and over in a journal is one way to activate the brain into adopting new behaviors.
  • Make signs as to whatever it is you are planning to do, and have them on display to look at every day.

See infograph for brain processes and how these behaviors below influence them.

In his book The Cheat Code, Brian Wong writes that it is imperative that we write processes down. Wong dedicates an entire chapter to this and writes, “It kills me to be saying something so obvious, but it is not obvious to most people.”

Approach New Year’s resolutions and goals with reflection, intention, process

and commitment. And most importantly, take it day by day – 21 days, to be exact. It is about creating a plan toward daily behaviors to make the process subconscious and automatic through conscious daily processes. With these methods, you are setting up yourself for success.

“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” – Gena Showalter, author

Ria Greiff is a host of You Inc., an NPR show on www.wcbe.org/programs/you-inc that gives tools for wellness. She is a master trainer for a nationwide firm based out of New York and has been providing wellness seminars for professionals of Fortune 500 companies for the past 15 years. She is also the clinical director of her own benefits consulting firm and is a sought after speaker for national conferences on soft skills. Ria is a regular contributor to CityScene Magazine and can be reached at ria@2rogues.com for feedback or inquiries.

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