Photo courtesy of Virginia Barney
No one looks forward to facing a death in the family. But when the time comes, we all have different ways of grieving. For longtime Upper Arlington resident, former mayor and city manager, Virginia “Ginny” Barney, losing her husband, Marshall, in 2016 was a jarring experience to say the least.
At age 69, Barney was learning how to be single for the first time since graduating college. The way she did everything began to change, and she was admittedly not used to doing things solo.
“That gave me a little bit of anxiety, but not fear. And I just said, ‘That’s my growth edge,’” says Barney. “‘That anxious feeling is my growth edge and I need to (move beyond) that,’ so I tested it out.”
Barney ventured to the movies alone for the first time maybe in decades, and found that she was okay with feeling uncomfortable, if it ultimately meant gaining independence. Later a young woman talked to Barney about time she had spent studying abroad with Semester at Sea while she was in college. Intrigued by the story, Barney was envious of the opportunity traditionally geared toward college kids.
“I said, ‘Gosh, that sounds amazing. I would love to do that. I wish they had that for old people.’ And she said, ‘They do!’ and that sort of planted the seed,” says Barney. “I needed time away to grieve, to heal and then to start growing.”
Semester at Sea
Photo by Jeffrey S. Hall Photography
Determined to establish a new perspective, Barney applied for the Semester at Sea study abroad program as a lifelong learner. After completing an extensive physical exam, she was ready to take on the world – literally.
Barney wasn’t new to international travel, having taken several mission trips and family vacations abroad, but she hoped to find more personal, deeper-level connections this time.
“I’ve always loved travel and some people, when they feel like they need to grieve, will go retreat and be in silence. I get my energy from the world, from people and conversations, and so (Semester at Sea) seemed to be the perfect blend,” she says.
For 109 days, Barney made discoveries about the world, her changing self-identity, and how she would fit into this new phase of life.
“We embarked from Ensenada, Mexico,” says Barney, “then traveled to Hawaii, Japan, China, Vietnam, Myanmar, India, Mauritius, South Africa, Ghana, Morocco, and finally Portugal.”
Alongside 550 college students, she took classes taught by professors of different nationalities, including a global studies class, a class called Children and Youth in Global Context, a Spanish class – until they began writing and Barney decided to abandon ship – and a history of theater class that used the musical Hamilton as its main text.
Barney participated in nightly lectures and spoke on a panel about women’s history during the International Day of Women. She also sat on a panel discussing how to talk about politics when traveling in a foreign country: how to be diplomatic and authentic at the same time. She even volunteered to be a “specimen” in the gerontology class, answering questions about herself, her experience as an older adult, her interests, when she started saving for retirement, etc.
Ginny’s Journey
Photo courtesy of Virginia Barney
Virginia Barney in the Moorish section of Rabat
Many people in Barney’s life were in awe of her fearlessness and ability to just pick up and go on such an adventure. In an effort to share her journey with friends and family, she decided to keep a blog.
“It became another way for me to grow. I’d never blogged, I don’t know how to blog, but it was something that I thought I could learn,” says Barney. “It was a twofold: it was an intention and a promise I made to myself that I was going to blog about my personal journey of the grief process, as well as my travels.”
With titles like You’re doing what?, Ni Hao. Hello from China, and Hot! Hot! Hot!, Barney’s blogs talk about her experiences in first person, while addressing things like how she began to heal and how she started to focus on the future. One post in particular looks at 53 discoveries she made while on her trip.
“My big takeaway was that I need to be a better me, (remembering) that I met wonderful people around the world; … people doing really interesting, fascinating, incredible things and that I saw different cultures – every country was beautiful.”
Returning Home
Photo courtesy of Virginia Barney
In South Africa, Barney had the chance to enjoy wine country.
Upon returning to the U.S. and, specifically, to Upper Arlington, Barney had a newfound appreciation for things she’d began taking for granted long ago.
“I remembered on the ship we would race to the railing to see the sunsets. I got home – I was coming home from a friend’s – and in front of me was this beautiful sunset. And I thought, ‘It’s here, in Ohio,’” says Barney.
In hopes of remembering and embracing this new mentality inspired by travel, discovery and self-reflection, Barney’s goal became to stay in the present moment.
“I want to be fully present like I was on that voyage, seeing the wonder in the world, meeting the interesting people in the world,” says Barney, “and recognizing that – just recognizing what’s around me.”
How does she do it? At the end of each day, Barney has three main questions she asks herself: What have I learned or discovered today? Where have I used my gifts today? What am I grateful for today?
“From a grieving, healing, growing perspective, I feel like I’m coming out from under water that I didn’t even know I was under,” says Barney. “I feel lighter; I feel energized and, instead of looking back, I’m understanding the present and I’m excited about the future.”
Jenny Wise is an associate editor. Feedback welcome at jwise@cityscenemediagroup.com.
