Photo courtesy of Celeste LaCour-Belyn
Fitting in with peers, bullying and low self-esteem aren’t the only issues young people have to tackle during adolescence. Sometimes, the biggest threat to their mental and physical well-being comes from a person who claims to love them.
Celeste LaCour-Belyn learned this after her 18-year-old daughter, Leigh Belyn, died at the hands of an ex-boyfriend. LaCour-Belyn says she didn’t recognize the abuse until it was too late.
“When he was abusing her emotionally, she would seclude herself in her room,” she says. “She would not want to be with her family or friends. I thought it was just something like the growing pains of a teenager. I had no idea it was related to him or anything he had done.”
Looking back, LaCour-Belyn says she can now point out the instances of abuse in her daughter’s relationship. Leigh’s boyfriend would bring her gifts after his mistreatment, a stage that LaCour-Belyn calls the “honeymoon period.” The gifts functioned as a peace offering.
“As soon as she got the peace offering, everything was back to normal,” LaCour-Belyn says. “I just thought, ‘This guy really likes my daughter.’ And I had grown to like him. … I didn’t know what (the gifts) really meant.”
LaCour-Belyn says her daughter had 23 teddy bears when she was killed.
Helping a loved one out of an abusive relationship can be tricky, LaCour-Belyn says. But she stresses that intervening is better than being a bystander, even if it means losing a friend.
“I tell kids, a lot of times, people don’t recognize that they’re in an abusive relationship,” she says, adding that if a friend is describing abusive behavior from a partner, it’s important to take action and point out that he or she may be in a toxic situation.
If a friend excuses their partner’s abuse, LaCour-Belyn says to try to get other people involved, like a parent, school counselors, a teacher or other friends.
“Whether you lose a friendship or not, it’s better to do something than to lose a life,” LaCour-Belyn says.
Learn more about Leigh’s story at www.leighslegacy.org.
Leigh passed away in 2011, but the February death of Miami University student Rebecca Eldemire, who grew up in New Albany, shows that abusive relationships can still turn deadly. Eldemire was killed by a former boyfriend, who also took his own life, in her Oxford apartment following their breakup.
Here are some signs of an abusive relationship:
The abuser …
- Constantly puts his or her partner down, making him or her feel insignificant
- Checks his or her partner’s texts, emails and other personal messages
- Is extremely jealous or insecure
- Has an explosive temper over things that seem small
- Is possessive, dictating what his or her partner does and who he or she is seeing
A sure sign that the abuse is physical can be evidenced by pushing, pulling, hitting or anything the abuser does that involves aggressively putting his or her hands on the partner.
Hannah Bealer is an assistant editor. Feedback welcome at ssole@cityscenemediagroup.com.
