When it comes to identity, gender is so foundational that it is one of the first questions we ask when someone is pregnant. Is it a boy or is it a girl?
Science tells us there are differences in boys’ and girls’ brains – some related to the differences between the X and Y chromosomes, some related to hormones such as testosterone early as fetal life. None of it means, though, that anyone is inherently better, stronger or smarter, or that “boys will be boys.” Those ideas have nothing to do with nature, and everything to do with nurture.
We must be aware of our tendencies to label in order to avoid doing it. Ask yourself: What labels are you currently placing on the boys/men and girls/women in your life?
It’s also important to recognize the biases we may have in raising boys and girls. Everyone has implicit bias. To discover yours, take an Implicit Association Test (IAT) online.
Gender stereotyping – girls need to play with dolls and boys with trains, girls are emotional and boys are stoic, etc. – has been shown to limit the growth potentials for both genders. This is why more and more people are moving away from gender labeling.
Corporate America, schools, play spaces and other institutions serving children are also taking notice, in part due to scientific developments that show limiting choices limits. Large retailers such as Target are removing gender labels from many of their products. In my home, both my son and daughter wear Mommy’s high heels and paint their nails, and my daughter often wears my son’s hand-me-down boy-cut clothes and plays with his Star Wars and superhero Legos.
One new consideration: Some children are born biologically of one sex, but feel as if they are trapped. For an estimated 0.3 percent of people in the U.S., external appearance feels like a terrible mistake, and they experience what some call gender confusion or gender identity disorder.
Knowing how and, especially, when to intervene for such young people is a largely unknown frontier. Fortunately, good futures are now possible, especially if families get help early.
It is a brave new world. Families with awareness, honesty and open dialogue can manage the field without stepping into too many land mines. Resources such as Kids Help Phone (800-668-6868) and local organizations such as Kaleidoscope can be good places to start.
Click here to take the IAT online.
Ria Greiff is a master trainer for a nationwide firm based out of New York and a national speaker on topics of wellness. She has been providing wellness seminars for professionals of Fortune 500 companies for over 15 years. She is also the clinical director of her own benefits consulting firm and has completed her doctorate studies in human services, as well as degrees in counseling and psychology from University of Dayton and The Ohio State University, respectively. She loves to help people and she is always listening. Feel free to contact her with questions, comments or speaking engagement requests at ria@2rogues.com.
