Armed with only a license to love, the services family caregivers provide for “free,” when caring for older adults, is estimated to be $375 billion a year.
That’s almost twice as much as is actually spent on home-care and nursing home services combined ($158 billion). Clearly, based on this estimation of value, we’re talking about a huge chunk of labor but, more importantly, a huge demographic of people.
Yet, the caregiver is less understood and even less recognized. That can change, though, with the help of insights and support for those who care outside of the borders of any institution or doctor’s office.
Assessment
Gaining real insights into your “state of the union” allows you to bring into awareness what you are experiencing. Only when we have a grasp of that can we make choices to address those experiences.
Mark the ones that you feel pertain to your experience:
_____ Your attention span and ability to concentrate changes. You’re easily distracted, unable to focus.
_____ Your work suffers. You’re just going through the motions at work and home, and memory lapses are common.
_____ Your ability to think and process information changes. It’s not uncommon to make mountains out of molehills and lose the ability to see what’s important versus what isn’t.
_____ Your emotions are in check. You don’t feel much; you act mechanically.
_____ Your emotions are out of control. Feedback is taken personally.
_____ You feel aches and pains. Ailments such as chest pains, irregular heartbeat, sweating, headaches, skin rashes and stomach problems begin bothering you.
_____ Your behavior changes as you obsess about your parents’ situation, or you feel like running away. You avoid activities that bring you into contact with the reality you don’t want to face.
There is no answer key, but the more you may be able to identify these behaviors as being part of your experience, the more urgency there is to find respite.
Tips for Self-Care
- List your feelings.
- Identify the situations that trigger these emotions.
- Talk with someone about those feelings. Don’t ignore them; work them out.
- If you grew up in an abusive environment or have never been close to your parents, make choices about how involved you want to be in their care.
- Take one day at a time, but prepare for the future.
- Be realistic about your abilities and how much you can do right now.
- Be realistic about your parents’ abilities.
- Take time out from the situation.
- Set limits. There is only so much you can do.
- Be forgiving of your own limitations and mistakes. Even if you are superhuman, you are still human.
- Keep a positive attitude and a sense of humor.
- Set aside time for yourself, and make it stick.
- Keep up your own interests and activities as much as possible.
Finances
It’s important for caregivers to consider their own financial situations, as they may be impacted by caregiving. Consider the following questions:
- How much time away from work can you afford?
- How much of your resources are you willing to spend?
- How has this impacted your phone bills, home care, grocery, travel, hired help and supplies?
- Are other family members or a support network willing to donate time or cash?
- Should you access your time off through the Family and Medical Leave Act?
Communication is Key
No one likes to envision himself or herself as a resident in a nursing home, or losing his or her independence, forcing children to make the tough choices.
So if that scenario becomes reality, it may prove difficult to get an aging parent to accept it. Here are some tools to make those conversations go a bit more smoothly:
- Acknowledge that it’s a difficult topic.
- Prepare prior to talking with aging family members.
- Know what subject(s) need to be addressed.
- Approach the discussion from a position of concern for both of you.
- Tell them what you would like to talk about and ask for their opinion.
- Respect direct statements or behavior, or indirect cues that indicate they would rather not talk about this at this time, or that they’re done for now. Indicate that you’d like to talk about this again when it’s a better time for them.
- Respect their life experience and wisdom.
Beware of “taking over.” Involving your parents in the planning process preserves their dignity and maximizes their independence. Invite them to help establish priorities. Difficult things done first will have a domino effect and go a long way toward everyone’s peace of mind.
Ria Greiff is a master trainer for a nationwide firm based out of New York and a national speaker on topics of wellness. She has been providing wellness seminars for professionals of Fortune 500 companies for over 15 years. She is also the clinical director of her own benefits consulting firm and has completed her doctorate studies in human services, as well as degrees in counseling and psychology from University of Dayton and The Ohio State University, respectively. She loves to help people and she is always listening. Feel free to contact her with questions, comments or speaking engagement requests at ria@2rogues.com.
Care for the Caregiver
Support Groups
- One of the best ways to “survive” caregiving.
- Can provide support, education, resources, perspective and coping skills.
- Can enhance personal empowerment by allowing you some control and feeling that you’re helping others by sharing your experiences.
- Can be located through hospital senior services, churches and synagogues, the United Way, and your local area agency on aging.
The local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association has resources for all older adults, and the Southeast Community Mental Health Center has an older adult program as well. The Document Assessment Worksheet can also help with the assembly of necessary and critical information to go along with medical history.
Super Size Me
Demographers call it the “sandwich generation:” a quickly growing population of individuals with both children and elderly parents demanding time, money and TLC.
Nearly half (47 percent) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child (age 18 or older). And about one in seven middle-aged adults (15 percent) is providing financial support to both an aging parent and a child.
Those numbers are staggering. Who cares for the sandwich generation? In many cases, no one cares for this group of caregivers, whose members usually have the added burden of working a full-time job.
Self-care is typically neglected by this group, but learning to integrate simple self-care tips into a daily routine will help caregivers stay healthy. Healthy caregivers provide a higher level of physical and emotional care to their loved ones, and this is a gift that keeps on giving.
Use flight safety instructions as a model for behavior. When the cabin pressurization system has failed and the altimeter has climbed above a safe level, individual oxygen masks are deployed – and when a dependent such as a small child is part of the travel party, that person is to get his or her mask after the caregiver.
Think of this when you are trying to decide whether to take care of yourself. If you do not receive oxygen, you will pass out and be unable to care for your dependent. The equivalent is for you to take the time to give yourself nourishment in terms of sleep, nutrition, movement, socialization, “me time” and other replenishing and rejuvenating activities.
You owe it to yourself and to others to be the best caregiver you can be.
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