For some, there is a difference between the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom, but there are many ways to be helpful to your son during preparations. It’s a delicate balance of listening, making suggestions and listening some more as you tip-toe along the path to one of the most important weekends of your son’s life. The positive side is that many brides have opinions on how they envision their wedding, whereas most grooms have few ideas. My friend MJ Doran recommends a book that she bought for her son when he got engaged; Don’t Screw up your Bride’s Wedding, by Michael Arnot. In any case, remember to rely on diplomacy and sensitivity, and ask yourself if you are solving problems or causing them.
The talk: Not the talk that takes place around middle school health classes, but rather the talk that took place when my son, Christopher, told me that he planned to ask Bridget to marry him. A million emotions run through my mind; surprise and astonishment that this moment arrived so quickly. I immediately thought of the “salsa talk” that we had after his sophomore year of college – I thought he hadn’t been on a date in two years and I was encouraging him to test the waters.
“There are lots of different salsas out there, and college is the time to see if you prefer a sweet, mango salsa over a spicy jalapeno salsa,” I suggested.
Chris looked at me like I was crazy and said, “What if you really like the salsa that you already have and don’t want to try any other salsas?”
Little did I know that he had already been out on a date with Bridget. Tip: Be supportive as there is a lot you don’t know.
Buying the Ring: We started at ground zero, figuring out what Bridget would like, what Chris would spend and finding conflict-free diamonds, which are not mined in violent and inhumane settings. We searched for diamonds mostly mined in Canada and Russia, and I tried on rings to help Chris make his decision.
Tip: This is all about what the bride would like!
Planning the Proposal: Chris said he had always wanted to propose on a ski lift. Fortunately, Bridget is an awesome skier and they share that passion. Unfortunately, the timing wasn’t optimal, as he wanted to propose in September, but this didn’t discourage him. He came up with the idea of hiking in the Vermont mountains at a resort where they run the ski lifts year-round. We worked on the details of tying the ring to the inside of his camera bag so he couldn’t drop it, and convinced the operators to stop the lift during his proposal.
Tip: If you are detail oriented you can be extremely helpful with the proposal.
Showers: One shower was being thrown in Bridget’s hometown of Richmond, Virginia, but it’s nice for the groom’s side to throw a shower too. The party was thrown by my daughters, who were bridesmaids, and we hosted the event at our home where I was able to help and give input. Tip: Match the shower to the bride’s tastes when it comes to food, drink and games.
Engagement Party: This is another event that the groom’s family can plan. We held this pre-wedding celebration the same weekend as the shower so that out-of-town guests could attend both. The highlight was a fun, interactive newlywed game where we chose three couples, including Christopher and Bridget, and had them sit back to back. Then we started in with questions such as, “Who initiated the first kiss?” “Who is the better driver?” “Whose family would fare better on Family Feud?” Each person had a blue and a pink paddle to raise depending on whether they chose themselves or their partner. If the couple disagreed, we made them tell us why and give the back story.
Tip: Great chance to learn more about the bride and groom.
Time With the Bride’s Family: Watching your son interact with his future wife and her family is amazing. It was so nice to witness Chris pitch in around his in-law’s house and play with his new nephews. He seemed comfortable yet respectful.
Tip: Time together meant being involved in the cake tasting, dress fitting, and food and wine tastings for the reception.
Rehearsal Dinner: We wanted to showcase our traditions and style, so we chose an Italian restaurant that served homemade pasta. Planning this with Chris and Bridget’s family was enjoyable, as we had dinner there months before and tasted appetizers, entrees, desserts and wines. As a surprise, we put together photographs of Chris and Bridget from holidays and events from their childhoods.
Tip: Don’t be afraid to poke fun.
Welcome Party for Out-of-Town Guests: This is a nice way to greet and entertain friends and family who have traveled for the celebrations. We had a surprise groom’s cake along with wine, music and games. Mostly, it was about introducing guests to one another before the wedding. Tip: Have an ending time so everyone gets enough rest for the wedding day.
The Morning of the Wedding: After I had my hair and makeup done with the bride and bridesmaids, I spent time with Chris and helped him get ready with the other groomsmen. It was such a special time, helping the party with their ties and being there with Chris beforehand.
Tip: Have a professional photographer with the groom to capture these moments.
The Ceremony: I had a beautiful corsage and Chris walked me to my seat down the aisle.
Tip: Have your best friends in the congregation making funny faces at you to keep you from crying.
The Wedding: All of the planning and details come together for a perfect day that celebrates two people in love and the joining of their families. After the father/daughter dance to Rod Stewart’s Forever Young, Chris and I had our time on the dance floor. We chose James Taylor’s You’ve Got a Friend because we are always there for each other.
And just like the lyrics, “winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call,” Chris knows I’m always here for him.
Colleen’s D’Angelo is a freelance writer who lives in Dublin with her husband, three children and several small animals. She enjoys playing tennis, walking the Dublin bike paths and traveling.
