Before I joined ROX (Ruling Our eXperiences), I definitely had a passion for helping others.
Thirteen years ago, I moved back to Columbus from living in New York City and decided to pursue my graduate degree in counselor education at The Ohio State University. During the second year of my master’s degree program, I was completing my field experiences/internship when I had the opportunity to be immersed into the life of middle school students.
Lisa Hinkelman and Nancy Willis lead a group exercise during a ROX class at the Philip Heit Center for Healthy New Albany.
I remember being warned by my peers that the middle school population was the most difficult age group to work with because of the challenges they face and the personal, social and physical changes they are experiencing. For me, this proved to be the very reason I loved these students! I quickly realized that my skills, talents and passions could help them better cope with the ups and downs of middle school and that I could be a positive influence and support in their lives.
As I worked with more and more students, and pre-teen/teen girls in particular, I developed a great connection and positive rapport with them. When I realized that they trusted me and I that was effectively supporting them, I developed the confidence and assurance that I was legitimately making a difference in their lives. Little did I know the impact they would make in my life as well!
Female bullying, or what we in the counseling world call “relational aggression,” became the
The Gilbert family, clockwise from top left: Aaron, Tracy, Jaden, Sasha and Hudson. Photo courtesy of author
focus of my graduate work and final thesis. Girl bullying at the middle school level is especially challenging because of the emotional impact it has on girls coupled with the limited skills teens have to effectively manage these interpersonal difficulties. Research shows that females in middle school are especially concerned with acceptance from their peers and that they tend to conform to the norms of the group.
Whether it be what they are wearing, the music they enjoy or their opinions about the world, girls have a harder time expressing their own unique opinions, thoughts and ideas. Relationships and acceptance are generally of primary concern for many girls. Unlike boys, girls tend to express aggression by compromising and undermining their relationships through social exclusion, rumor spreading, gossip and cliques rather than through physical means.
Fortunately, my graduate school professor adviser, Dr. Lisa Hinkelman, also shared this passion for working with girls. She was working to research and understand the realities of girls’ lives and was developing strategies and approaches for helping girls better navigate the challenges that they faced. We developed a strong connection surrounding this important work and were able to work together to learn more about the tremendous issues impacting girls and, more importantly, how we can effectively support and encourage them.
It was several years after I graduated that Lisa formally founded ROX, but it was based upon this early work and research that was such an important part of my graduate work. After having children of my own, Lisa and I happened to meet up with Lisa again at a community event. At that time, I learned that her passion had evolved into a local nonprofit organization. We immediately reconnected and I knew that becoming involved with ROX was the next step for me, both personally and professionally. In July 2013, I completed the facilitator training to become a licensed ROX facilitator. Since that time, I have loved running the ROX programming with girls at schools and organizations throughout our community.
In ROX, we are encouraging positive interactions among girls and helping them change the environment for girls and women one ROX girl at a time. ROX provides a unique setting in which girls can connect with their peers in positive ways. The program is special because it gives girls a safe place where they can feel free to be themselves and support each other. This, in turn, builds self-confidence and helps them find their voice as well as their role as a positive leader. Instead of focusing on their differences, girls are encouraged to celebrate the thing they all have in common: being a girl! Girls have fun each week meeting others who share their interests, support their development and help them grow into stronger, braver, more confident people.
When I began working as a facilitator, I realized the girls were impacting me as much as I was helping them.
One special ROX girl stands out in my mind, because she was exceptionally quiet and had difficulty speaking in front of her peers. She would often stay after the session to chat with me one-on-one, and it was during this time that I learned of her passion for singing. I learned that she was tremendously talented and had an amazing voice, but never had an advocating adult or positive role model in her life to help her value her skills and help her shine.
While speaking up during the group was difficult for her, I realized that perhaps, through sharing her gift of singing, she might be able to share more of her authentic self with her peers. Together, we decided that the last five minutes of ROX each week would be dedicated to her singing. Each week, she chose a different song to perform for the group, and it was in this space that her true self became evident to us all. It was amazing! She experienced a sense of pride and accomplishment, and the other girls learned she had a beautiful voice that was a gift for each of us.
It is wonderful to feel that you are making a difference in girls’ lives at a time when they are going through so many changes. I’m proud that I have had the opportunity to create a positive environment in which girls from diverse backgrounds and experiences are able to learn the tools they need to navigate their worlds. It is fulfilling to know that our ROX girls are going back to their families, friends and schools with new skills and knowledge that they can use to be positive role models for other girls.
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In addition to being a ROX facilitator, Tracy Gilbert is a full-time mother of three and married to Aaron Gilbert of the Gilbert Group Real Estate. Together they have three children: Jaden, 10, Sasha, 8 and Hudson, 1. For Tracy, ROX is a constant reminder of the values she tries to instill in her children – showing empathy, being yourself and trying to make a difference in the lives of others.
Tracy Gilbert is a New Albany resident. Feedback welcome at ssole@cityscenemediagroup.com.
