**Editor’s Note: My Story is a first-person column about health issues that touch New Albany community members. Have a story to share? Email ncollins@cityscenemediagroup.com. Submissions should be no more than 500 words.
Photos courtesy of Jim Brisk
That First Phone Call
It was a Saturday morning in the fall of 2002 when my urologist called our home phone and told me the news. My first PSA, a blood test used to screen for prostate cancer, had come back with high results. So high, in fact, that my doctor was sure it was a mistake.
His suggestion was that I return on Monday and retake the PSA. Immediately, I knew in my heart that the results weren’t mistaken, but I took the test again, and then proceeded with more tests that confirmed my worst fear.
I had prostate cancer; a fairly advanced and aggressive form of it.
I was 42 years old with three daughters; the youngest had just turned 1. I will never forget my wife and I sitting down with our older daughters to tell them that I had been diagnosed with cancer. We’d been told that it was important the girls learned the news from us and not someone else. It was vital to us that they never felt that we were hiding the truth, no matter how young they were and how difficult it was. If we weren’t honest, they would lose their trust in us. We told them that we, as a family, had a battle ahead, but that we were up for it and that together we would kick this cancer to the curb.
Making a Plan
The best news you can get in a prostate cancer diagnosis is that the cancer has been found early and is contained in your prostate where it can be surgically removed. After consulting with some of the top doctors in the field, the consensus was that I would not be so lucky as to hear that news.
I was told the cancer had most likely spread, although we had no idea how much or how far, and the recommended path was a combination of therapies that would hopefully kill off the cancer cells - wherever they were hiding. I remember that feeling of empowerment when my doctors said they were going to throw everything at my cancer because I was young and strong and I could handle it.
I remember thinking, “Give it all you’ve got. I can take it. Just get this cancer out of my body.”
Disappointment
After completing all of the recommended procedures, the waiting game began. I took my PSA every three months and hoped for the best. Each blood test literally sucked the strength out of me for days at a time. My blood pressure was through the roof during that waiting period and I couldn’t think or talk about anything else until I got the results.
I never wanted anything more in my life than to be cured of this disease that had invaded my body. It took about 18 months for the conclusion to become clear that we had not gotten all the cancer. It’s hard to describe what that realization was like. At first, I felt like the least lucky man on the planet. I thought of myself as being in pretty good shape, a healthy eater and not overweight. I loved my wife and kids, and considered myself a good husband and father - so why me? Was my body telling me that I was doing something wrong? What was I missing? But then, I picked myself back up and began to focus on the good fortune in my life. Most importantly, I was determined to stay right where I was; I wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.
A New Plan
The first step in moving on was getting past the mentality that you either kill cancer or cancer kills you. Over time, I learned that I couldn’t put this cancer behind me but I also couldn’t allow it to run my life. I have been in and out of remission five times over the past 16 years. I’ve continued to endure treatments and take medication whenever recommended, and it has taken a toll on me and my family that I wish it hadn’t. I know that in the future I'll likely need to do another treatment to stall my cancer’s progression, but wouldn’t it have been a terrible waste if I’d spent the past 16 years just waiting around for the next bit of bad news?
I’ve also gotten to watch my children grow from babies into young adults. I’ve coached their softball and lacrosse teams and been to their high school and college graduations. I just celebrated my 28th wedding anniversary with the woman I love, respect and feel extremely fortunate to call my partner. Many people have chronic illnesses, mine just happens to be called cancer.
Looking Forward
I have no idea whether I’m going to live for three more years or 30 more years, but neither do most people.
This journey has taught me to appreciate life and the small victories along the way. I am determined to take care of my body, soul and mind. I’m very fortunate to live in a community where healthy activities are so easily accessible. Joining the New Albany Walking Club, taking yoga classes at the Philip Heit Center for Healthy New Albany, attending the New Albany Community Foundation Jefferson Speaker Series at the Jeanne B. McCoy Community Center for the Arts and going to prayer services at the Lori Schottenstein Chabad Center in New Albany are just some of the ways I have enhanced my well-being.
You may have seen me out and about in New Albany enjoying my daily power walks with my dog, Sophie. I’m always singing to myself, oblivious that you’re trying to grab my attention because I probably can’t hear you. My doctors tell me that these activities are helping me slow down my cancer and I have no doubt they are right. More importantly, though, my outlook and lifestyle choices have made me a stronger person who is ready and able to take on any challenge’s life may throw my way.
Jim Brisk is an investment advisor residing in New Albany. Feedback welcome at feedback@cityscenemediagroup.com.
