Wiggle your big toe. Wiggle your big toe. Sitting in the doctor’s office, tears streaming down my face, a line from a Quentin Tarantino movie had become my mantra. After X-rays, MRIs, medications and months of rest, the doctor’s diagnosis was osteoarthritis in my big toe. He proposed two solutions: stop running or have surgery. Surgery also meant no more running. I went for option three. I wiggled my big toe.
You never realize how important your big toe is until it is compromised. That toe is more than just one of 10. It is the beginning and end of every step. It stabilizes you, and with it, you find balance. It was my toe injury that led me to yoga.
I couldn’t imagine life without running. Running was my identity. It was what I did. It was who I was. When I was stressed out, I went for a run. When I was happy, I went for a run. But when I began to experience pain in my toe, runnin
g became a struggle.
Devastated by the diagnosis, I remembered a friend had suggested yoga. I had dabbled with yoga in the past but saw it as a luxury, a time to relax and slow down. I didn’t have time to slow down. However, faced with losing who I was, yoga became a necessity.
So I created a plan. Step one: Find a yoga class. Step two: Be brave enough to go. I imagined stumbling into a yoga studio filled with yogis balancing on their heads. Step three: Repeat.
I found a studio nearby and woke up early one Saturday morning. I snuck out of the house so my two boys wouldn’t chase after me. The fear: If they catch me, I won’t go to the class, my toe will never feel better and I’ll never run again. If I never run again, I will never be me.
After the class, my toe hurt. I was worried. If yoga can’t help, then I’m doomed. But I also found that I felt good, even though I hadn’t run. I felt happy and relaxed. The sun shone brighter and my problems seemed smaller. That afternoon, I was able to laugh and play with my kids more than I had in years. So began my journey of healing.
I’ve been practicing yoga for over a year. I can run without pain. While yoga does not cure osteoarthritis, there is some research out there to support that it helps in easing pain and stiffness in the joints. Yoga allows me to be free from pain and stiffness in my toe, so I'm able to keep running.
My breath guides me through each pose as my breath guides me through daily struggles. Some days I am flexible, balanced and strong. Others I am not. Through yoga, I have found myself. I can’t be defined as a runner, a mother or a yogi. Even if I can’t run, I am still me.
As I stand in hand-to-big-toe pose, I can’t help but wiggle my big toe and smile. Yoga has opened more to me than I could have ever imagined. For anyone struggling with injury, depression, or even if you’re just struggling, I invite you to explore yourself through yoga.
Find a studio. Be brave. Repeat.
Maritsa Ann Flaherty is the mother of two energetic young boys. She enjoys exploring healthful ways to live her life to the fullest.
