By Chris Alexis

As a critic, it’s my responsibility to sit through a movie and then create an opinion of why I like or dislike the film. That means sitting through the whole movie.

Never has such a responsibility been so hard. 

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was so bad, I was tempted to walk out. Had I paid for this film as a regular movie-goer, I would have.

I was bored out my mind. In fact, after checking my watch several times, I looked over at the critic sitting next to me, to find him fast asleep.

The movie tells the story of Robert Ford (Casey Affleck), a young wannabe gunslinger who is rather obsessed with Jesse James (Brad Pitt.) He’s eager to work with his gang. Ultimately rejected, Ford becomes bitter.

There are a lot of characters and relationships in this movie that make it a bit complicated. But all the plot points aren’t what just slow it down, but all the inane dialogue. There are many pointless scenes between characters, where we witness them make small talk with very little to drive the story. These boring exchanges are also filled with long looks and pregnant pauses, none of which help the pace of this movie.

The acting isn’t bad. Brad Pitt fits in the role of Jesse James just fine. His accent isn’t too cheesy and doesn’t distract from his performance at all. Casey Affleck doesn’t do too bad a job, but mumbles some of his lines where he’s a bit hard to understand.

This movie reminded me of Return of the King. Just when you think it’s wrapping up, it continues on. And on. And on. And on. The name of the film gives away what ultimately happens to Jesse, and when the scenes come and go, we’re dragged along further of the story about what happens to Ford after the title deed is done.

Do yourself a favor. Skip this movie. Instead, go find a freshly painted wall and watch it dry. It’ll be free and equally entertaining.