Photos courtesy of Scott Cunningham
Your kids are watching you. And, while they might learn from what you say, they’re likely learning more from what you do.
“When you do something, they’re going to mimic it,” says Jennifer Piede, a New Albany psychotherapist who specializes in treating children, adolescents and adults.
The best way to help your child learn how to be a healthy human being might be to exhibit healthy behaviors yourself.
Healthful Eating
If you’re introducing new habits into your family, the key is to treat it like an adventure.
“Everything should be really positive,” Piede says.
Parents should be sure to incorporate their kids into the decision-making process. Try making a list of healthful foods and showing it to your kids. Take them to the grocery store and pick out foods together.
Parents also need to be cognizant of teaching their children the basic uses for food. It’s important to talk to kids about the reasons for eating nourishing food instead of junk food, Piede says. While we enjoy food, the emphasis should be on the nutrients we gain from food to survive. Parents should also be careful to avoid using food as a crutch, such as with stress eating, or associating the act of eating with feelings of guilt. Rather, they should accentuate practices that revolve around moderation of use.
From 12-23 months is one of the most important times in a child’s life for food introduction, says Alexis Tindall, a dietician with Nationwide Children’s Hospital. What a child is eating from ages 2-4 predict what he or she will want to eat later in life.
“It’s really important to work with them,” Tindall says.
Young children can wash, stir and pour items during food preparation. Even children aged 3 and 4 can cut soft foods such as pear, melon and cantaloupe with a plastic knife. Setting the table is another good way to involve young children in the preparation process.
Because children can be sensitive to the color or mouthfeel of food, it’s important to try preparing food in different ways, Tindall says. Choice is also important. Asking children whether they want green beans or carrots in their meal, for example, helps them feel like they have a say in what they eat. Stick with one new item per meal.
Sitting down together to eat as a family also helps instill a habit of talking and taking time to finish a meal, Tindall says. Because it takes 20-30 minutes for the body to recognize that food is in the stomach, this habit will help children learn how to identify when they are full.
Healthful Snack Ideas
- Smoothies
- Fruit and yogurt parfaits
- Homemade trail mix
- Cheese sticks paired with fruit or vegetables
- Homemade granola bars or muffins
- Fruit and yogurt dip
- Vegetables and dip
Exercise
If you’re trying to encourage your children to embrace a more active lifestyle, the same positive approach applies here. And, while it is advantageous for your child to see you exercising, there are also social benefits to working out as a family unit. Exercising can be a communal experience, which is especially important considering the lack of time many families have to congregate around the dinner table.
“You’re working together; you’re talking as you’re doing it,” Piede says.
Since children are engaged in an activity, they might be more likely to freely answer questions about their day.
“It’s just a fun family time to be together,” she says.
Activities can also easily be adjusted for different age groups, Piede says. Sledding in the winter months, for example, can be a great way for younger children to learn how to embrace an active lifestyle. Bowling and basketball can be fun activities for children of a variety of ages.
As important as it is to talk to children about the benefits of healthful eating, it is also necessary to educate them about the benefits of exercise.
“They want to know, and they want to understand,” Piede says.
And if children understand the benefits of healthy activities, it makes them more likely to repeat them when parents aren’t near them, such as when they’re at school.
Stress Management
Parents can show their children a variety of healthy ways for coping with stress and anxiety. It can be helpful for parents to talk about their own emotions with their children, using words that are age appropriate. “I’m feeling bad about this” and “This makes me feel sad” are good ways of describing feelings to younger children. Help children understand how to identify the things that you can and cannot control.
Parents can also take this approach in helping children manage school projects, breaking down tasks into smaller, more manageable actions.
Parents like that she often gives children a toolbox of coping strategies, Piede says. She asks parents to model the strategies to illustrate the process to their kids. While the toolbox can be a physical item for younger children, for adolescents, it can be a list of activities to call upon when needed. These activities include exercising, deep breathing, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, journaling and visualizing a peaceful space.
Parents should be mindful of avoiding harmful ways of dealing with stress, such as yelling, snapping at someone or otherwise reacting angrily. Statements such as “should have” or “what if” are also negative in nature and should be avoided, Piede says. Children could also internalize other harmful habits of dealing with stress, such as drinking alcohol.
Communication
While bickering among parents is common, kids should see that parents can disagree in a healthy way.
“It’s important to show good communication skills,” Piede says.
Piede’s “fighting fair” rules are pretty simple: Don’t point fingers. Talk about how you feel, using “I” statements. Stay in the present.
Similarly, disagreements with children can also be a dialogue. Parents should hear what their children have to say, Piede says. This reinforces the idea of establishing mutual respect. You can tell a child, “I hear what you’re saying.”
As children get older, parents can ask them to suggest appropriate consequences for misbehavior.
Still, it’s important for parents to let their children know that they still love them.
“Don’t degrade them just because they’re kids,” Piede says.
Establishing family guidelines and principles can also aid in overall communication, so everyone knows what the boundaries and expectations for respect are.
“It can work really well if families want to work together,” Piede says.
Sarah Sole is an assistant editor. Feedback welcome at ssole@cityscenemediagroup.com.
